Mypo 365

Day 40: Confession

I loved the days when my babies were babies; the smiles, the drool, the diapers, and the poo. They couldn’t speak coherent, rational thoughts against me. I didn’t feel as though I was competing for competency or clout. Not that I feel intimidated, I just feel less of a mom. They don’t need my hand for anything, they don’t want my advice, they don’t want to clean or do chores without prompting. They want me to buy things, buy that food, fund a camp, and argue about nothing. The little hands that learned and played, the innocent smiles that greeted me have gone away. Teenaged they are, a different beast, one littered with gratitude stealers. This is making me an ugly mom, one that feels defeat.
I know they need my example of how to be. I know they are watching; ever so keen.
Sometimes I want a moment back in the past. Time to hold them and watch as they learn.
It’s different. It’s sad. It’s hard. It’s repetitive. It doesn’t seem honorable.
Some days I’m hated. Many days it feels like they never listen or obey. Some days I pray they’ll do what I say the first time. Reminding is eroding my patience and my perseverance.
I want to SEE progress. I want to FEEL respect. I want to KNOW that they’ll grow up to be productive, loving adults.

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