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Making Sense

Lately, really emotionally heavy things are pouring in like waves from the ocean; they envelope me and then roll back–their saltiness remains.   SATURDAY-TUESDAY

First.

1. Discovered that a sweet neighbor 8 year old, who in in remission for ALL (leukemia), was just diagnosed with T1D.  As if life wasn’t already hard enough for this beautiful family. Her life increased in its complexity.  My heart breaks.

2. Bella, my t1d, is not taking ideal care of herself, such as the story goes with a teenager, and received an 8.4 A1C at her last Endo appointment.  Highest ever since diagnosis 7 years ago.

3. Discovered that my son, the one I gave up for adoption 21 years ago, is living with his girlfriend.  When I respond to him via text with the word “disappointment,” he kinda got a little upset.  The fact that I’ve never disciplined or taught him began to really sink into my being.  He wasn’t mine, though he grew inside me.  Mourning continues tucked into a joy-encrusted cake, like a jelly-filled doughnut.  Looks great on the outside, right?

4. Spoke with my 92 year old grandma on the phone and she didn’t know who I was.   I sang a song and prayed with her through a flood of tears.  May be the last time she sounds even remotely normal.  Memories of my childhood overcome me.  How many more days will she have?

5. Girls are taking finals this week and next week.  High stress with late night studying and extra credit projects to complete.  Blood sugars all over the place, as well as all-through-the-night battles to keep her alive and well.

6. Friday, I will be attending Bravelove.org’s Brave Love Dinners for Birthmoms in Dallas.  Not sure what to expect, but I know that emotions will be high.  Girls will be with friends: one camping in a field, one at the mall…I believe.

7.  What will I type for number 7?  I know the plans I have for you, declares the LORD, plans to prosper you, plans to give you hope and a future.  Jeremiah 29:11

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