I wonder why it took me so long to coin this term. In NO way is this a negative term, as much as it is a realistic label for the roller coaster of being a birthmom. Here are a few reasons why:
1) Crying and mourning never ends. It elevates as you walk through motherhood with the children you do/can parent. You mourn those childhood milestones as time with your at-home-babies moves onward. Thankfully, these peaks and valleys are spaced apart so you can gather your wits about you. Buckle up in GOD’s love.
2) Dealing with the word MISTAKE, or the fear that our adopted kids will think they are mistakes. A real concern. Pregnancy is never a mistake, regarless of how our culture or the world as a whole views it. No life, no matter how complicated or hard, is a mistake. Our time is not our own. We are all unique beings.
3) In the beginning, it’s hard. Leaving a child behind and trying to move on with your life isn’t easy. But imagine if you did not give it a chance? What would would life be like? Better? I cannot speak of the regret, but I know how I felt when I miscarried twice. I blamed myself and wondered if there was anything I did to cause the loss. All life is valued.
4) 10 months of being a baby carriage is not so bad. It grows your mind and heart in the process, as well as your cute belly. Giving an unselfish gift, to know and love throughout life, CAN and IS a GOOD thing. Especially with social media and the support of the birthmoms who have gone on before you. You get to see how God makes these tiny blessings to look EXACTLY like you. Nature is strong. Often times, your personality and character traits are there, even though you are not. 10 months is a small blip on life’s radar.
Last night I attended a Birthmom Dinner through Bravelove.org and for the first time ever was in the room with at least 30 other birthmoms. ALL of them understood a huge part of my life. We laughed, cried, supported and encouraged each other, all while feasting on a delicious home-cooked meal. At one point we even got out our phones to show off our babies to each other. The ages of the children ranged from 4-21 and nearly ALL of them resembled the moms. What a great GIFT!
Neighbor’s Table provided the long, family-style picnic tables that held our stories… and made it easy to pass along the food. I pray this is the beginning of a new chapter for me, as well as for you. A time of reflection over the last 21 years, the tears, the love and the laughter. I pray that I can efficiently share what a blessing being a birth mom has meant to me. Also, I pray that you look into these organizations and support their mission. Support women! Support ALL who have found themselves, at one point or another, in an unplanned pregnancy. There is enough love at the table of God for whatever decisions are to be made, or have already been made. HE has grace and forgiveness at his buffet.
Join me in birthmom mania. HUGS.